The Joy of Missing Out

Meera is 40 years old, working as an IT consultant and a mother of 2. She has a digital profile on practically every social media platform. On a Tuesday afternoon, as she reaches out to her phone after an hour-long meeting, an insta feed tells her that one of her friends celebrated her 40^th birthday at the best restaurant in town. Meera sighs, ‘this afternoon meeting robbed away a sumptuous lunch’. Nevertheless, another notification on Facebook arrives to show her cousin playing in the snow, with beautiful Swiss Alps covering the background. ‘How lucky she is’, thinks Meera as her left thumb continues to scroll. One of her colleagues just completed a PhD, another ex-colleague got promoted, someone else posted a new job announcement- less than 5 minutes of mindless scrolling is enough to make Meera feel inadequate and ashamed of her own self.

What Meera experiences is what most people do, these days. It’s one of the perils of living in a hyper-connected world. Fear of Missing Out, or FOMO as we better know it, is an obsessive, compulsive disorder (OCD) that stems from comparison, guilt and jealousy. While FOMO has been around since ages, possibly since humans started thinking, the term itself is very recent. Social media has democratized the boundary-less virtual world, bestowing unlimited broadcasting rights to anyone with a phone in the hand. Amplifying every achievement, making every experience look superlative and showing it off is enough to promote narcissism in self and FOMO in others. It all ends up in painting the grass greener on the other side, making others’ lives appear much better than ours.

Comparison with others is a primal instinct, conditioned through millions of years of evolution. As in humans, so does in many other living beings, measuring oneself against and rising above others has been an innate need for survival, reproduction and occupying influential place in social hierarchy. Hyper-consumption of digital content has aggravated this further in recent times. Where one’s online worth is evaluated on external validations (likes, shares and followers), portraying the best version of oneself to remain likeable on social media is no less than a survival instinct. Relative positioning matters more than absolute success.

FOMO creates a void, an urge to chase every opportunity to gratify oneself with. This results in mental burnouts, anxiety & insecurity. Narcissism and a hunger for appreciation, even in physical life, is observed to be on the rise. Decisions are impulsive, driven by FOMO than by wisdom, actions are influenced more by show-off than inspiration.

An alternate philosophy is emerging as a response to the growing FOMO. Joy of Missing Out, JOMO as it is called, is the freedom of being in our own skin and expressing ourselves in our own comfortable ways. Those embracing JOMO consciously emancipate from being the puppets of social and self-induced stigma. They set their own dimensions of fulfilment and refrain from measuring their happiness on others’ scale. Allowing themselves to discover and master their own craft at a comfortable pace, they are in no rush to prove their worth to others. They refuse to make choices dictated by peer or social pressures and stop being square pegs in round holes.

While FOMO is more outward and compels on following others, JOMO is about turning inward and following our own instincts. FOMO induces stress, harbours unrealistic expectations from our own selves. JOMO begets peace, offers opportunities to appreciate our natural self. FOMO feeds on external validation, while JOMO breeds self-satisfaction. FOMO is a mindless chase of never-ending materialistic pleasures, while JOMO is mindful pursuit of contentment and spiritual elevation.

In his book named ‘The Psychology of Money’, Morgan Housel explains how natural endowments influence success in particular fields, while advantage in one field might as well be a disadvantage in another. Michael Phelps is blessed with a long torso, short legs, large feet and wide wingspan that makes him a better swimmer. Compare him with Hicham El Guerrouj, a Moroccan middle-distance runner, having legs longer than the torso. If Phelps’ achievements in swimming fuel FOMO in Guerrouj, the latter might only displease himself further by never even nearing Phelps’ achievements with longer legs. Same will hold true for Phelps in running.

Natural limitations can restrict social imitation. Human world offers lot of opportunities to allow multiple talents, arts and preferences to co-exist and flourish simultaneously. It's essential to discover our own, and be loyal to it.