A child is the teacher of man

People management lessons derived from parenting experiences, and vice versa

Parenting is an amazing experience, challenging in many terms, yet exciting. The emotional connect that a parent shares with his kid is more intense than the biological one, and carries an immense potential to transform the parent positively.

“Raising a child offers us an enormous opportunity to shed our old skin, let go of stale patterns, engage new ways of being, and evolve into a more conscious parent, and apparently a better human being”, says Dr. Shefali Tsabary in her book titled “The Conscious Parent”. In this book, Dr. Shefali advocates the necessity for parents to treat parenting as a process to consciously evolve themselves as better human beings, while nurturing their kids to be so.

Lessons learnt through conscious parenting carry the potential to make a person a better people manager at work. Through this blog, I have only tried to relate my personal experiences in parenting with few people management traits.

Well begun is half done

The message is polymorphous and applies universally. As in plants, so in kids and so in team bonding; efforts spent at initial stages in nurturing and building a bond (or professional rapport) go a long way in solidifying the relationship. This relationship fosters an environment where things get done easily.

A rolling stone gathers no moss

It’s pretty easy to allow a kid to settle into a comfort zone by making him a couch potato, it’s just a “tab” away. It takes conscious efforts to alleviate the noise and bring in value to the existence and routine of your little one. Electronic addiction only decelerates the mental and creative development in a kid, making him dull, shy and stagnant.

This effort towards “adding value” by engaging the kid in mindful activities helps to handle similar professional dogmas. Periodically switching tasks for a team member (learnt from switching plays for a kid) helps the team being agile and motivated and shrugg off the comfort zone.

Learning is a great motivation

One day after returning from outdoor, my about-to-be-three-year-old son was super elated to learn that he could untie his shoelace and remove his shoes, all by himself. Learning what is no less than a skill to his age, motivated him further to remove his socks and place the shoes on the rack.

I learnt a lesson here, that “learning” indeed is an inherent motivator for all humans, irrespective of age. A parent (or team manager) only has to cultivate a learning environment within his team.

 Situational leadership

 “Situational leadership” (responding different situations with a different leadership style) is advocated universally and works in most cases. Situational (leadership) parenting style, leaning more towards participative leadership has hitherto worked best for me (given that my son is yet to be 3). 

Being “only” an authoritarian might distance me from my son, while being always participative might reduce his abilities to do things independently. It is about finding the thin line where participation could cross over into spoon-feeding.

My parenting experience tells me that kids learn more from observing behaviours, than following instructions, and so do our subordinates at work. Children at different ages react differently to our parenting styles, so do subordinates of varying experience levels; an agile and conscious approach can fit all moulds.

Communication

Communication builds trust. Communication resolves conflicts. Healthy communication is the foundation of a well-knit family. Those belonging to “couch-potato” families with limited communication are likely to be dull, shy and low on confidence.

Communication has the potential to reduce anxieties in stressful situations; be it in office or at home, it only strengthens the bond that infuses a collective confidence. Listening with patience, too, is an integral part of effective communication, which permeates quite well through parenting.

My lovely team at work and my lovely experiences with my son have cemented this theory more than ever.

Appreciation

Human beings possibly carry an insatiable hunger for appreciation. However, what is worth observing when appreciating a child is the surge in energy that he puts in things that potentially can earn him more appreciation. Misery in appreciation might well nip a spirit in its bud.

Appreciation, not just for the results, but also for the sincere efforts put in an act (which may not have succeeded as intended) can go a long way in healthy people management.

Gratitude and anti-gossip

We are presently in Norway, where, just like other European and American nations, pedestrians have preference and vehicles stop to allow us to cross the road. My kid, while being in my arms while crossing streets, smilingly joins me in expressing his gratitude towards the driver by waving his hand and saying “Thank you” with his delicate voice.

Observation can sow seeds of gratitude and other positive traits, but coherently, it can also induce vulnerability towards catching the wrong wave.

Conscious parenting refrains use of inappropriate language and unethical behaviours before kids; so do management lessons, which refrain a good manager from petty gossips that are vulnerable to be amplified into grudging office politics.

Developing a “culture”

My son follows a pattern each day- he brings a couple of storybooks and asks me read them aloud for him, while I feed him dinner. Books have changed but the “culture” has stayed since many months. It may have become a monotonous activity for us, but it has only ensured that my kid finishes his meals without any complaint. 

This monotony for half an hour is a small price to pay, against the lack of nutrition that his (or kids of his age) reluctance to healthy food might bring in. Also, my wife and I are happy that we have brought him closer to books, than electronic devices.

A team culture plays a vital role in bringing the team together and committing to the common objective. Be it Friday evening snacks, or Friday night beer, anything that peppers the monotony and willingly binds people in a “culture”, goes miles in preserving the team bonding.

Time Management

A person probably never values time as much, as he does after fathering a kid. To get more in less time and to keep discovering easier ways, all of this just to live your life in stolen moments seems to be the de-facto mantra. Moreover, this trait sinks in quite well to derive benefits universally, workplace in particular.

Empathy

Well I cannot put my legs in my son’s shoes, literally, but can carefully fix it where it might pinch. Intrinsic insights drawn from the natural care and affection towards the kid compels us to be empathetic with his needs. Empathy grows naturally, but needs to be identified and brought to work, consciously.

Empathy is one of the most vital traits that benefit when dealing with people, be it subordinates, seniors or clients. Empathy is visibly inherent in highly successful professionals; letting this empathy sink into our traits consciously, is what parenting might teach us.

Just “being” there

My kid falls many times while playing in the park. He looks around and finds me standing not very far, and even before he feels any pain, he is back on his toes, running around. He may not enjoy falling, but the presence of his parent in his visible range probably assures him of safety and lets him ignore the pain.

I remember the late night office stints in earlier half of my career when entire team would struggle with production deployments. Production deployments in software industry notoriously follow the Murphy’s Law, more often than anywhere else. The Project manager would always be with his team, although he may not have an active role to play in it with his team being competent enough to handle and fix the situation. However, his presence or “just being there” with his team, mattered a lot.

An old adage mentions a child to be the father of man, a metaphor for the way man’s childhood habits influence his character in later life.

Parenting a child might educate a parent in many ways, thus making the former even a teacher of man.

P.S: For simplicity of text and uniformity of presentation, I have maintained the reference of a child and parent as “he” (Well, it also stems from my personal experiences with my son :-)). Experiences shared are gender agnostic and no biasing is intended here.

Travelogue - Berlin

Berlin, the capital of Germany, is an interesting city. In the last 100 years, it has written some of the most interesting chapters in history; From being the epicentre of World War 2 and torn between opposing ideologies of yesteryear superpowers for 28 years, it has ultimately emerged as the present day capital of Europe's (economically) strongest nation.

I visited Berlin recently with my family. First view of the city gave a familiar European feel- majestic buildings, wide, clean spotless roads, trams, buses and trains forming the backbone of an excellent public transport that Europe boasts of.

Brandenburg Tor

Our tour began with a visit to the Brandenburg Tor, an 18th century "Gate" marking the boundary of Berlin then. This gate allowed traders from neighbouring cities to trade in Berlin. We switched to U-55 (underground metro) at Berlin Hauptbahnhof (Central Station) towards Brandenburg. Brandenburg Tor possibly attracts most tourists in Berlin.

Jewish Memorial

Many other tourist attractions, like Reichstag (German parliament), Jewish memorial, Checkpoint Charlie are at a stone's throw. We passed through Jewish Memorial en-route to Checkpoint Charlie. At first, it appears as a miniature of "Jantar Mantar", asking tourists to find their way out through the flat grey blocks.
"The pavements start sloping down and blocks get bigger as you go deeper, making the structure creepy- it's the architect's analogue of the gradually growing torture on Jews, which began with their shops being boycotted, to the notorious holocaust" explained a guide.

Checkpoint Charlie formed the official guarded passage from East to West in erstwhile divided Berlin. The original border artifacts, including check-post and message boards are still preserved. "US Army Officials" donning security uniform still man the check-post and pose for some photographs on request.

Original check-post, officers posing for a click

Checkpoint Charlie witnessed a major political event in October 1961, which, few say, could have brought the world on the brink of World War 3. The bruised ego of an American Army Officer who was denied entry in the East, brought both the cold war forces facing each other with full armour on either side of Checkpoint Charlie. No one fired, 18 hours of diplomatic talks finally thawed the tensions.
This place also houses a museum, which unfortunately we couldn't visit.

American and Russian tanks at Checkpoint Charlie

We proceeded towards TV tower in Alexanderplatz, passing through museum island, Berlin Cathedral, and few other structures. With the Reichstag building tour ahead of us, our schedule didn't allow us to climb the TV tower to watch Berlin from 200 meters above earth.





A "cycle rickshaw" tour guide agreed to drop us at Reichstag, after riding us through few of the attractions nearby, all within an hour and EUR 25.

Passing through The Berlin university- the alma mater of Albert Einstein, Karl Marx and the likes, we stopped at Bebelplatz. This housed one of the largest libraries, and it was here that Nazis burned about 20,000 books, shortly after coming to power in 1933. "'First they burn books, and ultimately they will burn humans' reads a plank here, and see what happened later" said the guide.

We passed through few 18th century cathedrals- Jewish and French, before turning at Checkpoint Charlie to reach the remains of the famous Berlin wall. Standing before a structure you had keenly read about and watching it eagerly, is an inexplicably fascinating experience!

"The building to the right was used by erstwhile Nazi air force. A family threw a rope from one of the upper floors, over the wall, and had it bolted tightly on western ground through some friends there. They used makeshift rappelling gear to smoothly pass over the wall into the west" explained our guide with great interest. This was one of the many coup escapes between 1961 to 1989; East Berliners risked their lives to escape, scornfully mocking and deceiving the Soviet's border police.



A fleet of vintage cars passed by- hippie genre cars that resembled the old Fiat. These were Trabis, cars running on 2 stroke engines, leaving behind a trail of polluting fuel odour. These were built from some form of cheap plastic, since steel was too scarce to be wasted on cars in Soviet occupied Berlin, sometime in late 70s.

On the way to Reichstag, we passed through what appears as a bustling downtown. They call it Potsdamer Platz, the funky city centre that houses some of the most exquisite modern day architectural marvels like the Sony Centre. Potsdamer Platz had been a busy city centre before being grounded completely during the second world war. It remained barren as part of "death strip" in East Berlin, before the iron wall was torn in 1989. Young on age and high on vanity, thats Potsdamer Platz.

"Dem Deutschen Volke" is carved on the Reichstag

We were standing before the Reichstag- the German Assembly which has a glass dome on top. We were let in by the German police after verifying our passport and online registration letter that permitted us entry to the "dome tour". The glass dome above Reichstag provides a 360 degree view of Berlin. We were, however, unfortunate; Police called off the dome tour owing to an "anti-immigrant" agitation rally scheduled to pass from a neighbouring street. That called off our day.

Next morning, we headed to Alexanderplatz, boarding the S-75 S Bahn at Berlin Hauptbahnhof. Berlin S Bahn (metro) has been a lifeline for Berliners since many decades. It was owned by West Berlin during cold war, and passed through few S-Bahn stations on East. These stations were deserted from passengers and guarded by the Reds at all time. Trains would pass without stopping on these "Ghost stations".

S-Bahn at Berlin Hauptbahnhof

We started our exploration with "Purple line", a yellow sight-seeing hop-on / hop-off bus with a purple plank that would drive us through 12 attractions before dropping us back at Alexanderplatz. The bus drove us through the city before hopping us off at the Wall Memorial- a museum dedicated to everything that revolved around the wall, be it the politics, the agitations, the escapes, the deterrent mechanisms, or the murderous shootings by the Red Army.

The lobby gives a clear cross-section view of the wall setup. Unlike a single "wall", it was a multi-layer security put in place by Soviet communists. An inner wall, followed by a death strip - a barren strip of land with watch towers, lights, watch dogs, upward pointing steel spikes (called "Stalin's lawn") and finally the outer wall to complete the fortification. All this, to prevent even a single East Berliner to flee to the west. At it's peak, the communists spent as much as USD 500 billion every year to maintain this wall.

We boarded the next Purple line to hop off at East side gallery. East side gallery is the longest preserved section of Berlin wall that runs parallel to river Spree for 1.3 kilometers. After the wall came down in 1989, this section was purposely preserved. Artists from around the world used this as a canvas to paint the euphoria of German reunification and hope for a better future. Bright colours of liberation transformed the grey shades of communism.

This is possibly the largest open air gallery in the world. The barricades near the wall prevent this gallery from being vandalized in any way. The inner (Spree facing) side of wall portrays real, life size photographs of present day war torn Syria.

Inner side of wall portraying present day Syrian atrocities

Berlin is one of the cities that bled the most during second world war. Structures which survived gradually recovered from the lethal bruises. Purple line takes us through few of them.

We returned to Alexanderplatz, passing through Karl Marx Allee (called Stalin Allee, before Berliners started hating Stalin) which is a wide road with large round-abouts and resemble the boulevards of Moscow.

What you can't miss noticing while walking through Berlin road crossings are the cute little human figures in red and green, signalling you to stop and cross respectively. The man with a hat is named "Ampelmann". A store with the same name has a good collection of these as souvenirs at Berlin Hauptbahnhof.

We visited the Aquadom before retiring for the day. Aquadom is a unique aquarium inhabiting many marine creatures. A one-of-its-kind open elevator that takes us through the blue waters with beautiful fishes all around, is one of an experience. My two-and-half year old kid enjoyed more than we did.

We had only kept shopping and eating for the next half day we had before returning from Berlin. Berlin Hauptbahnhof houses many souvenir shops and eateries; its funnily referred as a shopping mall also having a train station. Berlin beer and curry-wurst (for non-vegetarians) are not to be missed.

3 days were not enough to explore the city entirely. The more you see, the more you get curious. With more time in hand, we could have managed (and would have loved) visiting the German Historic Museum, the DDR museum (that portrays the everyday life of East Germans during cold war), the Berlin Cathedral, The Story of Berlin, cruise along the Spree, a leisure evening at Potsdamer platz and the Berlin zoo.

Well, all that I missed, offers me a reason to visit Berlin again. I loved visiting Berlin!

English Vinglish

I recently moved to Oslo, Norway on a medium term professional engagement. My engagement requires me to solely support multiple software applications, which were developed by my offshore team of 6 members. The obvious surge in expectations on a client facing role, with no member to support from offshore, made me a bit nervous.

“Don’t take tension, slowly slowly you will get used to it”- my colleague’s comments made me feel comfortable. However, I never knew “Tension” was a “thing”, probably on a festive offer, that could be easily given or taken. “Don’t get tense”, is probably what he meant, literally translating “Tension mat le” in English.

And “slowly slowly”, I mean, will it take ages? Ah, that’s the literal translation for “Dheere dheere” J

Having a prudent eye and ear towards correct usage of words and grammar, be it in any language that I know, has developed the kind of reflexes where these language blunders do not go unnoticed or ignored (few of you who love the languages won’t disagree with me). It is not fault finding per se, probably just a naive study of how native language that we speak, influences the other languages which we (try to) speak.
I’ve often heard Indians complaining against politicians who “only do timepass and eat money”, as Hinglish an expression as a student complaining about his classmate using abusive language says- “Sir, he is giving me bad words”, urgghh…such an abuse of such a beautiful language L.

Certain words or phrases gel so cleanly within our everyday communication, that those may not sound blunders at all. While “revert” suffices to explain the action, many of us unnecessarily use “revert back”, of course, no one can revert ahead J. Same happens with terms like “lagging behind”.

I was surprised to understand from a professor of English, that chaste English also finds fault in sentences like “He runs faster than me” or “He is taller than me”. Correct usage would be “He runs faster than I can” and “He is taller than I am” respectively. Through all my readings thereafter, especially of old English (British) authors like Arthur Conan Doyle or Agatha Christie, I’ve consciously observed the above rule in place. Also surprising was the widely used “prepone” not being an English word at all. It is an Indian alternative for “advance”, which is the correct antonym for “post pone”.

Few terms have evolved over time, few dictionaries have accepted them as valid words, however I personally and very consciously avoid using them (maybe because I belong to the generation where I learnt British English, have loved reading Agatha Christie and still insist on writing “honour” as “honour”, and not “honor)”, few of them are:

• Pick up the phone: Nothing wrong here, but action sounds more like picking up a receiver. Smart phone users should better “answer the call” on mobiles, than “picking up the phone”
• Anyways: Sounds more informal, I like to use “anyway” both orally and in writing
• Parallely: Not sure if this is a correct word, concurrently, simultaneously or “in parallel” is what I would prefer
• Cheater: I hate this word, I still prefer the old Victorian “cheat” for anyone who “cheats”
• Slowness: Again, not sure if this is correct English, I better avoid it.

While I offer the justifiable benefit of doubt to lack of access to quality education (in schools or at home) especially in countries like India, and the individual preference and importance to correctness of language, fact remains that the first impression is always formed by the way a person communicates (be it any language), but still languages (along with behavioural and other soft skills) are the most neglected and most reluctantly studied subjects in our schools.