Success and happiness are very subjective terms. They say academic success doesn’t guarantee professional success, and professional success doesn’t necessarily translate to life success. At times it takes ages to realize this. Quite often we observe that those branded failures in school are running flourishing businesses, and executives whom we admire professionally suffer from failed marriages.
A study shows that students doing good academically can make good employers, while successful businessmen are generally observed to be mediocre in studies. When the studious lot is busy revising lessons, the mediocre breed is implicitly developing social skills through so-called time-wasters. Being out-going and out-spoken is what makes them good businessmen. Image-conscious studios lot generally apprehends putting their hands on risky bets, fearing failure.
The fixed and growth mindset plays a major role here. Studious students in general, if lauded for their inherent intelligence, might get stuck with the fixed mindset. This mindset makes them awry of any actions that might dent their image. They aren’t failure-ready, generally burdened by others’ expectations, are risk-averse and stay esoteric with their social circle & activities. Growth mindset, on the other hand appreciates efforts over ingrained talent. People with growth mindset are generally conditioned to believe that dearth of genetic intelligence can be overcome through conscious efforts. Free from the burden of protecting their image all the time, these people are gregarious, can think out of box or arrange things to get their work done. Being more adventurous, psychological doctrines do not bind them from risking their stakes.
Clearly, most of the factors that ensure success aren’t completely covered through academic textbooks. Not that academics aren’t important, they definitely help develop the core (mostly professional) skills that bring us on a level playing professional field. However, such professional / technical skills might be short lived. In most cases, technological advancements surpass what has been covered in academics, by the time students are employment ready. Millennials, having witnessed wider extremes of life changes in shorter time face this challenge more than their previous generations.
The digital renaissance has let mobiles and computers capture a large part of our lives. The nature of jobs and the way we pay bills has changed, so have the ways we entertain ourselves. The supply surpasses the demand manifold, overwhelming us to consume more than we can digest. The overuse of social media taxes us in ways we hardly even realize. Through various experiments conducted globally, psychologists are using behavioural observations to come up with theories around the effects of over-digitization on human life. Clearly, we weren’t ready to digest so much, so fast.
As wisdom sinks in with graying hair and receding hairline, we tend to realize what matters, and how we could have prepared ourselves better to dive in the unknown. Certain life skills and behavioural traits that have survived the test of time, carry the potential to steer our lives in the right way. These should get ingrained in kids at the right time.
Few things that I realized gradually, which I wish my kid knows sooner:
Express yourself confidently: I feel the most important trait to develop is the ability to express yourself clearly and confidently. Developing a way to deliver the right message to the right audience in the right manner in all forms of communication is sine qua non for success. The way you speak, speaks a lot about you.
You cannot know everything: How much ever you read, research, discuss, there will always be something, even in your own field of expertise that you would never know or you will always fail to understand. I never understood Electronics as I couldn’t “see” the electrons moving. Similar ways I struggled understanding Neural Networks, until I started practicing being content with superficial knowledge that is more than just being good enough at work.
Discover your form of intelligence: Academic progress cards will reflect and glorify very limited forms of intelligence. Discover your niche and grow your intelligence in that through practice.
Be an explorer: Remain curious throughout, go beyond your boundaries to explore the unknown, but do that with an open mind. Prejudice and fear will only limit your exploration.
Practice to see through the other side: Parallel realities do exist, and can flourish in harmony. Do take a stand, but only after understanding the other side. Get calmer and wiser through empathy.
Perfection is the enemy of good: An irony as it may sound, but a sane reality. Don’t push for perfection at the cost of your peace. Some things are great by just being “good enough”. Learn to stop where realized value begins to lower in proportion to invested efforts. Self-improvement is a good trait to grow, but mandating over-perfection could be an obsessive-compulsive disorder.
Learn to dwell with limited knowledge and uncertainty: I’ve personally struggled with this during effort estimations at work. Not everything will follow a mathematical formula or nature’s rule. Learn to get most from the limited knowledge you have, develop logical workarounds, grow your gut feeling from experience and observations, and always support your judgments with valid justifications.
Be vocal of your emotions: It’s good speak out to a confidante, to ask help where required and iron out things in time. Suppressing emotions pushes you deeper in the dungeons of solitude.
Don’t be too harsh on your own self: Cherish your achievements more and pat your own back more often. Enjoy when and where you can, without feeling guilty about wasting time. Don’t miss your train by over-thinking whether you should board. Don’t make yourself sad by trying to make everyone happy. Easier said than done, however gets a tad easier if practiced regularly.
Slow down: We cram our workdays with things to do; we fill our weekends with domestic checklists. We cram our holidays with jam packed itineraries. Our senses are never at rest. Sometimes, all it requires is to do nothing and switch off from life, to sharpen your axe.
Do it now: We are too habituated to snoozing alarms. At times we let our hesitations or pure laziness pile up our tasks. Most of such things are just a phone call or click away. Do it now to relieve your head from the burden of remembering, and ease your mind of apprehension.
Keep absorbing: Tune your senses to catch the right waves around, keep absorbing whatever you should, from your surroundings. Learn not just to gain knowledge but to become wise, and understand that difference sooner.
Be out-going: Research shows that the happiest humans are those which have a healthy social circle. Being gregarious increases your chances of success both in professional and personal life. Do not shy away from connecting with new people and making new friends.
Don’t be overly submissive: Lack of required knowledge and inability to express can lower self confidence causing constant self-deprecation. Overly submissive ones generally get ignored in. Catch the signs early and work on it. Read, learn to express, get the right guidance at the right time and refrain from resigning to things further.
Never compromise on health: Always strive for good health, not just physical, but mental, emotional, financial, social and spiritual health. As the old adage goes, health is wealth.
Develop an art, maintain a hobby and rear a passion: Feeding your soul is as important as feeding your body. Practicing an art satiates the mind more than any materialistic pleasure. When art finds a dedicated mode of expression, it becomes a hobby. Hobbies and passions have the potential to sift you through hard times, calm you down and make you feel good about yourself. Identify your niche, develop it into an art, protect it through a hobby, bind yourself with others that share the passion and let your art find an expression.
Never stop reading: Make books your best friends and never stop reading. Always let the wisdom in the books get the better out of yourself.
These implied lessons from my own life will not completely immunize my kid from challenges posed by life. Different times come with newer challenges. Neither do I wish to deprive him from the pleasure of discovering his ways to defeat tough times. These might act more as guidance for him to uncover his own ways of fighting adversities to grow his endurance, and prepare him to lead a better life.
