People management lessons derived from parenting experiences, and vice versa
Parenting is an amazing experience, challenging
in many terms, yet exciting. The emotional connect that a parent shares with
his kid is more intense than the biological one, and carries an immense
potential to transform the parent positively.
“Raising
a child offers us an enormous opportunity to shed our old skin, let go of stale
patterns, engage new ways of being, and evolve into a more conscious parent, and
apparently a better human being”, says Dr. Shefali Tsabary in her book
titled “The Conscious Parent”. In this book, Dr. Shefali advocates the
necessity for parents to treat parenting as a process to consciously evolve
themselves as better human beings, while nurturing their kids to be so.
Lessons learnt through conscious parenting carry
the potential to make a person a better people manager at work. Through this
blog, I have only tried to relate my personal experiences in parenting with few
people management traits.
Well
begun is half done
The message is polymorphous and applies
universally. As in plants, so in kids and so in team bonding; efforts spent at
initial stages in nurturing and building a bond (or professional rapport) go a
long way in solidifying the relationship. This relationship fosters an
environment where things get done easily.
A
rolling stone gathers no moss
It’s pretty easy to allow a kid to settle
into a comfort zone by making him a couch potato, it’s just a “tab” away. It
takes conscious efforts to alleviate the noise and bring in value to the
existence and routine of your little one. Electronic addiction only decelerates
the mental and creative development in a kid, making him dull, shy and
stagnant.
This effort towards “adding value” by
engaging the kid in mindful activities helps to handle similar professional
dogmas. Periodically switching tasks for a team member (learnt from switching
plays for a kid) helps the team being agile and motivated and shrugg off the
comfort zone.
Learning
is a great motivation
One day after returning from outdoor, my
about-to-be-three-year-old son was super elated to learn that he could untie
his shoelace and remove his shoes, all by himself. Learning what is no less
than a skill to his age, motivated him further to remove his socks and place
the shoes on the rack.
I learnt a lesson here, that “learning”
indeed is an inherent motivator for all humans, irrespective of age. A parent
(or team manager) only has to cultivate a learning environment within his team.
Situational leadership
“Situational
leadership” (responding different situations with a different leadership style)
is advocated universally and works in most cases. Situational (leadership)
parenting style, leaning more towards participative leadership has hitherto
worked best for me (given that my son is yet to be 3).
Being “only” an
authoritarian might distance me from my son, while being always participative
might reduce his abilities to do things independently. It is about finding the
thin line where participation could cross over into spoon-feeding.
My parenting experience tells me that kids
learn more from observing behaviours, than following instructions, and so do
our subordinates at work. Children at different ages react differently to our
parenting styles, so do subordinates of varying experience levels; an agile and
conscious approach can fit all moulds.
Communication
Communication builds trust. Communication
resolves conflicts. Healthy communication is the foundation of a well-knit
family. Those belonging to “couch-potato” families with limited communication
are likely to be dull, shy and low on confidence.
Communication has the potential to reduce
anxieties in stressful situations; be it in office or at home, it only
strengthens the bond that infuses a collective confidence. Listening with
patience, too, is an integral part of effective communication, which permeates
quite well through parenting.
My lovely team at work and my lovely
experiences with my son have cemented this theory more than ever.
Appreciation
Human beings possibly carry an insatiable
hunger for appreciation. However, what is worth observing when appreciating a
child is the surge in energy that he puts in things that potentially can earn
him more appreciation. Misery in appreciation might well nip a spirit in its
bud.
Appreciation, not just for the results, but
also for the sincere efforts put in an act (which may not have succeeded as
intended) can go a long way in healthy people management.
Gratitude
and anti-gossip
We are presently in Norway, where, just
like other European and American nations, pedestrians have preference and vehicles stop to allow us to cross
the road. My kid, while being in my arms while crossing streets, smilingly
joins me in expressing his gratitude towards the driver by waving his hand and saying
“Thank you” with his delicate voice.
Observation can sow seeds of gratitude and
other positive traits, but coherently, it can also induce vulnerability towards
catching the wrong wave.
Conscious parenting refrains use of
inappropriate language and unethical behaviours before kids; so do management
lessons, which refrain a good manager from petty gossips that are vulnerable to
be amplified into grudging office politics.
Developing
a “culture”
My son follows a pattern each day- he
brings a couple of storybooks and asks me read them aloud for him, while I feed
him dinner. Books have changed but the “culture” has stayed since many months.
It may have become a monotonous activity for us, but it has only ensured that
my kid finishes his meals without any complaint.
This monotony for half an hour
is a small price to pay, against the lack of nutrition that his (or kids of his
age) reluctance to healthy food might bring in. Also, my wife and I are happy
that we have brought him closer to books, than electronic devices.
A team culture plays a vital role in bringing
the team together and committing to the common objective. Be it Friday evening
snacks, or Friday night beer, anything that peppers the monotony and willingly
binds people in a “culture”, goes miles in preserving the team bonding.
Time
Management
A person probably never values time as
much, as he does after fathering a kid. To get more in less time and to keep
discovering easier ways, all of this just to live your life in stolen moments
seems to be the de-facto mantra. Moreover, this trait sinks in quite well to
derive benefits universally, workplace in particular.
Empathy
Well I cannot put my legs in my son’s
shoes, literally, but can carefully fix it where it might pinch. Intrinsic insights
drawn from the natural care and affection towards the kid compels us to be empathetic
with his needs. Empathy grows naturally, but needs to be identified and brought
to work, consciously.
Empathy is one of the most vital traits
that benefit when dealing with people, be it subordinates, seniors or clients. Empathy
is visibly inherent in highly successful professionals; letting this empathy
sink into our traits consciously, is what parenting might teach us.
Just
“being” there
My kid falls many times while playing in
the park. He looks around and finds me standing not very far, and even before
he feels any pain, he is back on his toes, running around. He may not enjoy
falling, but the presence of his parent in his visible range probably assures
him of safety and lets him ignore the pain.
I remember the late night office stints in
earlier half of my career when entire team would struggle with production
deployments. Production deployments in software industry notoriously follow the
Murphy’s Law, more often than anywhere else. The Project manager would always
be with his team, although he may not have an active role to play in it with
his team being competent enough to handle and fix the situation. However, his
presence or “just being there” with his team, mattered a lot.
An old adage mentions a child to be the
father of man, a metaphor for the way man’s childhood habits influence his
character in later life.
Parenting a child might educate a parent in
many ways, thus making the former even a teacher of man.
