The Divine Intervention

It was just past 1 am when my brother received a call. Seemed like just another call what my brother and I had been making and receiving for last 8 hours or so, but this one was different. Mission was to arrange a hospital bed for my mother who was short on breath due to Covid. "Look for an O2 bed" is what our doctor recommended, however a high HRCT score from a fresh CT scan now mandated an ICU with a ventilator.

"We have 1 ventilator bed in an ICU available, but that’s in Wagholi and they won't wait long." said my wife (Anuja) over phone. Anuja and Gauri (my brother's wife) and a bunch of friends were continuously reaching out to every hospital in Pune to find a bed. Finally a friend was able to arrange through some contact.

"Anywhere in Pune, just book it. Pay the advance if required" said my brother. We were at Ruby Hall Clinic where our mother was on Oxygen in the Casualty ward. Just like other hospitals across Pune, Ruby Hall too was overwhelmed with Covid patients with no bed left to be occupied.

Odd hours helped us transfer her quickly. Finally our mother was on ventilator in an ICU at Care Hospital, Wagholi where treatment began around 2 am. She would spend her next 2 weeks here battling Covid, pneumonia, shortness of Oxygen and overcoming physical weakness. What seemed like a viral fever 8 days ago had aggravated into pneumonia within last 4 days.

"Oxygen levels are low and HRCT is high, we will try our best but odds seem against her" said the consulting doctor the next morning. What I would describe my feeling at that moment, wasn't really a shock but a high degree of unsurfaced emotional disturbance and anxiety. My senses were not prepared to react in any way. Never before had I come anywhere close to a situation I was into.

Minal (my brother's elder sister-in-law) called me the following afternoon. Her call was an explicit reminder of things we have read, known and even experienced, but tend to forget at times when we need them the most. Faith, positivity, essentially- The Secret. This was well the beginning of my realization and assurance of a silver lining being there.

That she got an ICU bed with a ventilator in relatively less time, when others were struggling for hours without success, was a good beginning. Wagholi was too far, about 25 kms commute one way. Hospital didn't have a canteen, but thankfully it was located close to my cousin's place. My cousin's wife (Akshada) would whole heartedly take care of my mother's nutrition for next 2 weeks. My brother and I had one less thing to worry about.

Doctor advised to arrange plasma on 3rd day. Given the second (current) wave was quite recent, it was hard to find someone who might have recovered from Covid within 2 months. We got lucky in securing the first dose from a blood bank in Pandharpur that very day.

"Second plasma infusion within next 24 hours will be more beneficial" said the doctor. As serendipity would bless us, we discovered a donor among Minal's colleagues who would fit the setting and we could deliver the second dose within 24 hours.

Meanwhile our mother was in the ICU, though against typical medical and Covid norms, we were allowed in to deliver food, and even feed her. She was blissfully ignorant of the outside and also what was going within her. Her only contact during these 2 weeks would be one of us meeting her 3 times every day. We had been super exposed to Covid environment during these days and had isolated ourselves in my in-laws' residence which otherwise is empty. We couldn't allow ourselves to get contracted in any way. Our utmost care to keep the virus away, also had an invisible support that we realized when we tested negative on RT-PCR during the following week.

The support stayed throughout. Lucky were we again to get a regular supply of Remdisivir (I'm still not sure if I spell and pronounce that correctly :)) from hospital's pharmacy. She was administered her 9th dose of scheduled 10 doses, when the shortage of Remdisivir got omnipresent. The 9 doses had already worked their wonder on her. 

So was it with Oxygen; she was already out of oxygen requirement, being monitored on normal breathing by the time the shortage started showing up. Finally after 2 weeks, she was on her way back. She came in on a stretcher and walked out of the hospital herself, without any support.

I recalled the doctor's words on 3rd day- "Anyone with that HRCT score walking out of the hospital on his own, would be a miracle". Miracles do happen, miracle did happen. With deep gratitude we thanked every single person and situation that helped to bring her out of this. So many people were directly and indirectly involved in this, supporting us through their action, well wishes and comforting words.

What simply went right in all this? Maybe the past karma, the best wishes, the faith, the gratitude, positive thinking, blissful ignorance, avoidance of overthinking? All summed up to form a blissful setting that made things happen the right way, at the right time and right place. That definitely was a Divine Intervention.

Sometimes in life we need incidents that reinforce our beliefs in the invisible powers that support us when we need them the most. A regular deposit of gratitude and karma enriching the credit side of life's balance sheet accrues enough balance to withdraw in times of need.

Through this blog, I once again thank each and every person whom I may not have named but whom I deeply revere as a meaningful contribution in my mother's recovery. Thanks!

Lessons to my kid, from my own life experiences

Success and happiness are very subjective terms. They say academic success doesn’t guarantee professional success, and professional success doesn’t necessarily translate to life success. At times it takes ages to realize this. Quite often we observe that those branded failures in school are running flourishing businesses, and executives whom we admire professionally suffer from failed marriages.

A study shows that students doing good academically can make good employers, while successful businessmen are generally observed to be mediocre in studies. When the studious lot is busy revising lessons, the mediocre breed is implicitly developing social skills through so-called time-wasters. Being out-going and out-spoken is what makes them good businessmen. Image-conscious studios lot generally apprehends putting their hands on risky bets, fearing failure.

The fixed and growth mindset plays a major role here. Studious students in general, if lauded for their inherent intelligence, might get stuck with the fixed mindset. This mindset makes them awry of any actions that might dent their image. They aren’t failure-ready, generally burdened by others’ expectations, are risk-averse and stay esoteric with their social circle & activities. Growth mindset, on the other hand appreciates efforts over ingrained talent. People with growth mindset are generally conditioned to believe that dearth of genetic intelligence can be overcome through conscious efforts. Free from the burden of protecting their image all the time, these people are gregarious, can think out of box or arrange things to get their work done. Being more adventurous, psychological doctrines do not bind them from risking their stakes.

Clearly, most of the factors that ensure success aren’t completely covered through academic textbooks. Not that academics aren’t important, they definitely help develop the core (mostly professional) skills that bring us on a level playing professional field. However, such professional / technical skills might be short lived. In most cases, technological advancements surpass what has been covered in academics, by the time students are employment ready. Millennials, having witnessed wider extremes of life changes in shorter time face this challenge more than their previous generations.

The digital renaissance has let mobiles and computers capture a large part of our lives. The nature of jobs and the way we pay bills has changed, so have the ways we entertain ourselves. The supply surpasses the demand manifold, overwhelming us to consume more than we can digest. The overuse of social media taxes us in ways we hardly even realize. Through various experiments conducted globally, psychologists are using behavioural observations to come up with theories around the effects of over-digitization on human life. Clearly, we weren’t ready to digest so much, so fast.

As wisdom sinks in with graying hair and receding hairline, we tend to realize what matters, and how we could have prepared ourselves better to dive in the unknown. Certain life skills and behavioural traits that have survived the test of time, carry the potential to steer our lives in the right way. These should get ingrained in kids at the right time.

Few things that I realized gradually, which I wish my kid knows sooner:

Express yourself confidently: I feel the most important trait to develop is the ability to express yourself clearly and confidently. Developing a way to deliver the right message to the right audience in the right manner in all forms of communication is sine qua non for success. The way you speak, speaks a lot about you.

You cannot know everything: How much ever you read, research, discuss, there will always be something, even in your own field of expertise that you would never know or you will always fail to understand. I never understood Electronics as I couldn’t “see” the electrons moving. Similar ways I struggled understanding Neural Networks, until I started practicing being content with superficial knowledge that is more than just being good enough at work.

Discover your form of intelligence: Academic progress cards will reflect and glorify very limited forms of intelligence. Discover your niche and grow your intelligence in that through practice.

Be an explorer: Remain curious throughout, go beyond your boundaries to explore the unknown, but do that with an open mind. Prejudice and fear will only limit your exploration.

Practice to see through the other side: Parallel realities do exist, and can flourish in harmony. Do take a stand, but only after understanding the other side. Get calmer and wiser through empathy.

Perfection is the enemy of good: An irony as it may sound, but a sane reality. Don’t push for perfection at the cost of your peace. Some things are great by just being “good enough”. Learn to stop where realized value begins to lower in proportion to invested efforts. Self-improvement is a good trait to grow, but mandating over-perfection could be an obsessive-compulsive disorder.

Learn to dwell with limited knowledge and uncertainty: I’ve personally struggled with this during effort estimations at work. Not everything will follow a mathematical formula or nature’s rule. Learn to get most from the limited knowledge you have, develop logical workarounds, grow your gut feeling from experience and observations, and always support your judgments with valid justifications.  

Be vocal of your emotions: It’s good speak out to a confidante, to ask help where required and iron out things in time. Suppressing emotions pushes you deeper in the dungeons of solitude.

Don’t be too harsh on your own self: Cherish your achievements more and pat your own back more often. Enjoy when and where you can, without feeling guilty about wasting time. Don’t miss your train by over-thinking whether you should board. Don’t make yourself sad by trying to make everyone happy. Easier said than done, however gets a tad easier if practiced regularly.

Slow down: We cram our workdays with things to do; we fill our weekends with domestic checklists. We cram our holidays with jam packed itineraries. Our senses are never at rest. Sometimes, all it requires is to do nothing and switch off from life, to sharpen your axe.  

Do it now: We are too habituated to snoozing alarms. At times we let our hesitations or pure laziness pile up our tasks. Most of such things are just a phone call or click away. Do it now to relieve your head from the burden of remembering, and ease your mind of apprehension.  

Keep absorbing: Tune your senses to catch the right waves around, keep absorbing whatever you should, from your surroundings. Learn not just to gain knowledge but to become wise, and understand that difference sooner.

Be out-going: Research shows that the happiest humans are those which have a healthy social circle. Being gregarious increases your chances of success both in professional and personal life. Do not shy away from connecting with new people and making new friends.

Don’t be overly submissive: Lack of required knowledge and inability to express can lower self confidence causing constant self-deprecation. Overly submissive ones generally get ignored in. Catch the signs early and work on it. Read, learn to express, get the right guidance at the right time and refrain from resigning to things further.

Never compromise on health: Always strive for good health, not just physical, but mental, emotional, financial, social and spiritual health. As the old adage goes, health is wealth.

Develop an art, maintain a hobby and rear a passion: Feeding your soul is as important as feeding your body. Practicing an art satiates the mind more than any materialistic pleasure. When art finds a dedicated mode of expression, it becomes a hobby. Hobbies and passions have the potential to sift you through hard times, calm you down and make you feel good about yourself. Identify your niche, develop it into an art, protect it through a hobby, bind yourself with others that share the passion and let your art find an expression.

Never stop reading: Make books your best friends and never stop reading. Always let the wisdom in the books get the better out of yourself.

These implied lessons from my own life will not completely immunize my kid from challenges posed by life. Different times come with newer challenges. Neither do I wish to deprive him from the pleasure of discovering his ways to defeat tough times. These might act more as guidance for him to uncover his own ways of fighting adversities to grow his endurance, and prepare him to lead a better life.